I find myself angry today. Little things are setting me off. I find myself feeling all ragey and anxious.
Lil girls meltdown set me to tears, lil mans hate you and hide behind the couch routine crushed my soul today. Lil advocate’a inability to see her own greatness slowly burns out my flame.
I’m sliding down a very slippery slope. One that is filled with darkness and self hatred.
I find myself questioning my ability to function, my ability to be a good parent. I’m not engaged enough, am I too self absorbed at the moment to see the beauty that stands before me? How can I not look into their eyes and see the millions of smiles they hold?
This is the slope I’m slipping on. You may not understand it, you may even criticize me for being at this point, but it is where I’m at. This is when it takes everything in my to find even the smallest of ropes to hold onto for dear life. Because if I don’t I give in. I give in and give up. I’m not a quitter but damn do I wish I didn’t need to hold on so tight.