A dose of reality

I am strong and fierce. I hold my own and handle what comes my way.

I smile when the going gets tough. I laugh when life slams me to the ground.

At least that’s what everyone sees. Their eyes are blinded by my ability to hide what I don’t want you to see.

I yelled at the kids today because they wouldn’t get into the car. My routine is off and so is theirs.

I tuned out my family and hid in my room because all of these changes are coming faster than I can process.

My mornings are filled with meltdowns from a child who doesn’t understand not being able to go to preschool at 7 am and eating breakfast at home instead of school.

My son is done with school, at least in his mind, so we have meltdowns because he has to go.

My world changed when I walked the stage and graduated this week. My routine is off and I’m having a hard time coping.

I’ve turned to my old coping skills and my husband doesn’t understand. My children do not understand. The world around me does not understand.

The world around me sees a smiling face and a mom ready to take on the world. Yes I have learned to cope and blend with what society wants me to be, but right now I can not do it. Blending is too hard, I can’t be the smiling face and I’m not ready to take on the world.

I just want someone to do it all for me and let me hide from all of my social responsibilities for a little while.

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