Back to school

I am excited for back to school … it means I will have three hours every day when the youngest is napping (in my dreams) and the older two will be in school.

My lil man, well he isn’t as excited. Actually he is terrified. He doesn’t want me to leave him, yet I can not stay. So today I took him with me to his orientation. I wasn’t sure if I was going to do this because I knew it would be chaotic and very busy in the school, but he did great! He said Hi to his teacher and it only took three verbal prompts to get him to say it! Progress.  I had a chance to talk with his teacher, even gave her the brochure about lil man, she loved it! She assured me we would have open communication from day one with daily reports. She would keep me up to date through our communication notebook, score for teacher. I also found out that my son was not the first child on the spectrum in her class … score again for mommy!

Following meet and greet we went out to lunch, he did pretty good  considering the noise level. He did however need to use the bathroom 5 times in a span of 40 minutes, I think he is obsessed with bathrooms in general. He does this whenever we go somewhere.  Lunch was not our last stop, of course it’s back to school and there is so much to do before Monday morning comes.

We had to get hair cuts (him and sissy both), new clothes, of course a book to read, some spray in hair color to make his new mohawk look über cool Monday, and finally to wallyword to get school supplies.  For any child this is a busy day, but a child on the spectrum this is insanity.

For the first time every lil man allowed someone other mommy and daddy to cut his hair. He did pretty good with it, only licked me and bite me a few times since he couldn’t get to his shirt to chew on.  We left and on the way out my mom (his Nani) told him at the end of the day if he used his listening ears he could have a toy later. Lil man does not understand the concept of later. He heard toy and that is all that mattered to him. We head in to buy his clothes at the next store and of course they have toys. Lil man fixated on getting a toy. He could care less about new clothes … he didn’t understand why he couldn’t have a toy right then. No amount of later from Nani would fix that. Over stimulated and confused, he curled himself into a ball under a clothing rack and rocked himself. After about five minutes I was able to get him out and get him on track to get his school clothes. He even picked out his very own backpack with Jake and the “LeverLan” pirates. He ended up getting a stuffed dog on the way out.

We got his book, a 3D book on sharks. No surprise there he loves fish of any kind. He still wanted his toy, he didn’t understand later meant on the way home.

Finally after a few more quick stops at various stores we went to the dreaded walmart for school supplies. Lil man was exhausted he sat in the cart. Just the noise of the wheels on the road was setting him off. He sat there covering his ears with a look of pain on his face. God do I wish I could ease this for him. I wanted to take him home, but I had to finish the school supplies. We get through walmart, he is stimming like crazy. Finally in check out he starts to screech and vocal stim, I went to put my finger over his lips and say quiet voice and of course I was bit. Seriously, did I think that this would end differently?!? After almost 5 years of this I should know right? Well no big deal. It’s part of the job. Except the teenage cashier didn’t see it this way. She decided to take it upon herself to tell my kid he was bad for it. WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY? okay so I didn’t lose it. It really did take everything in me not to bitch slap this kid who wanted to dole out her unsolicited parenting advice. I simply told her “He’s not bad, he’s doing the best he can” I could care less about educating at that moment, I was worried about my son and his sensory needs. She continued with it, finally mom my (Nani) looked up at her with a look that only 30 years of parenting can perfect, told her “He isn’t bad, he is autistic there is a difference and maybe you should learn it” GO Nani.  I’m secretly doing the happy dance.

 

My kid did awesome today, no major meltdowns and he made it through when I never thought he would. He has come so far. But this is the start of new stresses in our life as he begins school for the first time Monday morning. He is a champ and I know he will do amazing, but as a parent all I want to do is help him and never have to see this look of anxiety and pain that the next few weeks will bring him.

Standing out,

When was the last time you really stood out in a crowd? Are you comfortable in that position, or do you wish you could fade into the woodwork?

 

Every time my kids and I go out in public I pray that this time will be better. That this time my son wont throw himself on the ground screaming because he doesn’t understand that he can not have a lunchable today. We just came for some milk and bread. I secretly hope that this time he wont go up to the guy at home depot and poke his belly and tell him he is fat, or that he won’t tell the cashier at target her face has too many lines and he doesn’t like it.

I wish that I could take the family out to dinner without first having to pack a bag of essentials to make sure my younger two can make it through ordering and begging the server to put a rush on the food. The essentials include:  2 iPads/2 sets headphones/ 2 fidget toys/lil girl’s blanket/and something to make sure the oldest doesn’t feel left out from my bag of tricks.

I wish we didn’t get the odd looks when our son and daughter are screeching and covering their ears because I didn’t get the headphones soon enough. The last time we went out, I overheard the family behind us complain to their server.  Because of this, we don’t go out. If hubby and I want chilli’s or something along those lines, we order it and I go pick it up.

Not all day’s are this bad, there are a lot of good days too. Sometimes the good days and the bad days are the same day. But it’s hard to feel as if everyone is staring at your family. Whatever their reason maybe, whether it’s a look of concern, companion, or god forbid a look of judgment, what I really want is no one to stare. I am already battling my own demons when it comes to these behaviors in public and most of the time on the verge of tears.

 I don’t want to stand out anymore! I want to fit in. But my kiddos weren’t born to fit in, they were born to stand out … So I stand out with them and I will do whatever I can to ease the cause of their behavior. 

 

Related content:

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/daily-prompt-standout/

Mirror, Mirror on the wall …

Mirror, Mirror on the wall does this blog really tell it all? Can any blog really tell it all?

It’s my opinion that I try to keep it real and tell it all, but there are things I don’t say. I am not the perfect person or the perfect mom. This blog gives a small insight into my world with autism, adhd, bipolar disorder, and an undiagnosed daughter going though her clinical evaluations.

 

Here is what this blog doesn’t say:

It doesn’t tell you how most days I want to run away and hide.

It doesn’t tell you that I get pissed off when people tell me nothing is wrong with my kid because he looks normal.

It doesn’t tell you that I dread the first day of school because all though my son is verbal he can’t always tell me what is going on in his mind.

This happened at his last preschool, four months later he finally told me they were taking his fidget toy away from him and they were not telling me either.

This blog doesn’t tell you that I lose it with my kids, but immediately feel shame for it.

This blog doesn’t tell you that there are days I hate the struggles this life has brought me.  Those days of hate and anger are eased when I see one of my three children doing some thing that someone with a medical degree told me they wouldn’t do.

 

Does this blog tell it all? No!  But it gives you a view of what our life is like.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/14/daily-prompt-reflections/